hEy! rEtrEAt!

hEy! retreat! why you aren't have me there on retreat? you on lake? i like lake! come on man! i retreat on lake too in mountain dude! what you do on retreat? you make meditate? i can make an meditate too! i walk meditate get a intense realization! plus i name plants! yah! i name plant then you know plant name make you friendly! that instruction! i am teacher in retreat make meditate! why i not am in you retreat? i have robe even! it have blue bird and chipmunk live there! yah! little birdie and chipmunk in there they eat berry i pick! and i lead activity with ball and paper you learn teamwork! i is retreat leader! retreat! you have me in you next time! enough for you retreat!

hEy! ElEvAtOr rIdEr mAn!

hey elevator rider man! why you ride elevator, eh? this elevator only go up one floor man! you not can walk one floor dude? you got two legs and a arms! why you not take stairs? you worry you make muscle? Yah! that is it! you worry you make muscle! elevator rider man, you need muscle! get off elevator, elevator rider man! my friend need elevator! my friend is on wheelchair! he not take stairs! elevator for him, not you elevator rider man! oh come on man! you crowd us in elevator now! my friend move wheelchair back handle slam on my balls dude! now i have the cramping! i can not even eat my lunch man! I in food court with no lunch just friend on wheelchair and the cramping! Cramping not good! you take stairs elevator rider man! make muscle! not crowd us no more! I eat lunch in food court! Not have cramping! Gahhhh! elevator rider man! you get out!

hEy! my frIEnd!

Hey you! MY Friend! Why you not come to barbecue, eh? You supposed to come to barbecue! You do not know that? What you doing then? You going to writing class? What they teach you in writing class? How you make sentence? Oh come on, dude! That some crazy stuff man! I am writer. They do not teach you how make sentence! I teach you how you make sentence! And you drink my punch and eat pork too! Don't you know nothing? You not come to barbecue and then there was so much pork! I eat so much pork! I eat too much pork! That not good man! You like eat too much pork? I NOT like eat too much pork! Now today I sweat pork! All day I sweat pork! My boss say why you smell like that dude? I say I SWEAT PORK! Boss say get out of here man! I not want smell your PORK SWEAT! I say I can not help PORK SWEAT! Now I am home alone with PORK SWEAT! You not go to writing class any more dude! You come to barbecue next time! Kahhh! My Friend!

hEy! sAfEwAy! AgAIn!

You again eh? Hey! Safeway! Why you want to charge nine dollar twenty 9 cent for gluten free pancake mix eh? that too much man! you have club price eight dollar 40 nine cent? i don't like your club then no way! that still too much dude! whole food have same pancake mix three dollar ninety nine cents! you got be kidding me safeway! i don't join club i use fake number and your checker think my name is wendy! and why you no carry ice blocks too? you don't like me make punch? and you play song dreamer by supertramp? no way! that not cool! i have supertramp in my head all day now! what you doing to me safeway? and in line you make me look at people magazine for bret michaels say he lucky to be alive? c'mon man! i don't even know who bret michael is! i don't want to know no how! he wear eye shadow and bandana man! bret michael, you no axel rose man! Gahhh Safeway! enough for you dude!

hEy! bIg shIny bUIldIng!

hEy! bIg shIny bUIldIng! you SCARING me man! you make me feel like small dude! why you do THAT to me big shiny building? and got my FRIEND up top of you big shiny building! why you got her up there? I not can't see her! you put my friend down now big shiny building! what's UP from that? big SHINY building? and I go up on top of you one time you make me dizzy! then I see how high up you are on top I fall down bonk head on your glass big shiny building! you make me feel like stupid HEAD bonker guy who dizzy! that no good big shiny building! and on ground you make scary face with big shiny pointy teeth and I GET scared! I run down street hide behind old lady at bus stop and shriek like little girl she hit me with handbag like crazy woman with brick in handbag and I bleed and get dizzy and stop bus! look what you DO to me big shiny BUILDING! you better cut IT out and put down my friend so I say hi to her big shiny building! you make me go so mental BIG shiny building! enough of that for you! Yah!

hEy! Safeway!

Why you hide the honey, eh? I walk all over your big dumb store to look for honey and cant find it! I look with sugar and no honey there! I look at syrup and no honey there! Honey was all the way on other side of your big dumb store with peanut butter jelly! I don't want honey on my peanut butter jelly you big dumb store! Sugar syrup honey all are sticky stuff! You make aisle for sticky stuff and put all sticky stuff together Safeway! That way I find sticky stuff! You split up sticky stuff so I walk all over your big dumb store, don't you? I go in to buy lemon and a honey and I end up buy that plus copy of Cosmo Twix bar and beef brisket family pack! That no good man! I don't need that stuff! You not being nice to me right now Safeway! Yah! You cut it out!

hEy! Mariners!

Hey, professional baseball team that play on Seattle! You guys supposed to run across home plate more so bright numbers get bigger and you score! Then you win game! You do not know that? No? Really? You just big stupid guys, professional baseball Team on Seattle! Yah! yOU Win more games now! Go! Do it!